By Cody "Nanners" Lanners
I couldn't wrap my head around this fucking movie, man. It was like tripped out and boring at the same time. I was thinking, "alright, Senior Kubroke, or whatever - choose to take me on a crazy-ass voyage aboard the USS Bong or get the fuck out of my house." I mean three-fourths of this movie has no dialogue. I shit you not, dudes, 2001: A Lame Odyssey had like two lines, one being "I'm a monkey, don't take my black slab, faggot," and the other is, "Space is pretty tight, out here past Jupiter."
You don't even really want to know what this turd-house of a movie is about, but I'll do you all a favor and give you the short version. So, basically these ape dudes hang around for a little while, then this big black rock shows up, right? Then, for no reason, we're pushed into space, with this kinda faggy guy on a space station that looks like the steering wheel for my tricked out Honda Civy'. Anyway, they talk about some boring stuff, and then the fag-man is off to look at the same black rock, it's just on the moon now. Then there's this big ship shaped kinda' like a dick and balls. I laughed at that. On the ship they got this asshole computer guy named Hal. And then the best part of the movie: a sweet-ass light show that would shame any local planetarium. I'm fucking telling you, man, it was sooooo tight.
You dudes should do yourself a favor - skip an hour and a half of boring shit, and go to the scene selection, then skip right to "Jupiter and Beyond the Infinite". It'll blow the doob right out of your mouth! And it totally makes you think, I mean, right? It's like, what if there -is- all this crazy shit out in space? Does that mean aliens smoke spliffers and get fucked up like us? That'd be so sweet, man. And that creepy ass music! Kinda' sounds like the despair of the hundreds of fat chicks I plow on a nightly basis! Aaaaaah, ha haha, right? High five!
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