Back to the Future

By Cody  "Nanners" Lanners

Everyone's always talking about how tight Back to the Future is, but you know what? I think it's a faggasaurus of a movie. I mean, it's sooo not like how things actually are. Why's this fucking clown in a life-vest get the most bangable chick in school? Because he's driving  a DeLorean? That's probably the gayest car that's ever existed. How do you make it gayer? By making it a time machine. If this movie was true to life, Marty would be cruising around in a modded Honda Civy' with a ten inch spoiler and a keg-sized V8 engine. Not some piece of shit from the '80s. Fuck! It makes me so mad. 

Since the movie is from the '80s, every hipster dick-face in existence has reminded us of how the story goes. Guy gets fucked by a guitar amp, skateboards behind cars, snoggles his poon-train, meets with that guy from The Pagemaster (now -that- is a tight movie), goes into the past, finds out his dad is a total fag, gets chased by this pretty hot---uh, I mean, tough guy named Biff, nearly fucks his mom, convinces his dickless dad to fuck his mom, shits it up at their high school dance, uses a fucking lightning bolt on his car, comes back home and finds out he's got a black pick-up in the garage that'd make any diesel dyke sopping wet, and rides off in his gay DeLorean, now made even more gay because it can fly.

I don't get it, man. The story doesn't make any sense at all. How could a pussy like George McFly get a smoking hot MILF like Lorraine over Biff? I mean, Biff's worked out. He's got his quads and gluts in tip top shape. I mean, I know I'd fuck him if I was a woman. Hah, yeah. Those tight pants he wears, oh yeeeeah man. I'd get on that shit...but yeah, what the fuck, right? Lorraine's sooo fucking hot, I'd split her sideways just by looking at her. She basically jumps on Marty and he runs away like a little bitch? Man, fuck him. I know it's your mom but she's smoking tits, man.

Also, I don't really understand the title of the movie. Back to the Future. Back...to...the....what? How do you go back to the future if it hasn't even happened yet? Haha, fucking idiots. I bet they fucked that up when they made the title. Wait...if he's going to the past...then he goes into the future..then...back to the...I don't fucking know! This movie is a piece of shit with a gay car and a dork who tries to act tight. They might as well have named it Gay to the Future or something.